The De-Evolution of Man:Political Satire, Corporate Satire and more…

You’re bound up in excruciating pain, your neighbors called the police last week while you were trying to release the burden, your miserable. You go to a doctor, for treatment.

Its either that or be arrested for disturbing the peace.

Seems easy enough, they make a drug for anything and everything. The Doctor with his infinite wisdom, years of  university training and medical experience prescribes you a drug.

You fill the prescription, take the pill and await for the momentous moment when the poop does the plop. You wait patiently, then you feel a little looser, you feel like its time to go and you scurry of to the bathroom, you sit and it all comes out, oh that feels good. Man that 40 dollars was worth it.

Five minutes pass and you feel a rumble in your stomach, back to the john and whoosh comes another tornado of toxic trash from your tush. You repeat this five more times.

You call the Dr. in the morning, he explains diarrhea is a side effect of the medication, he says he can give you something to help. You return to the DR. get the prescription and wait. The torrential downpour stops after two days, you go to work and everything seems back to normal. After two cups of coffee you head to the bathroom, this is by the way normal, who wouldn’t have to go to the john after two cups anyway? You do your duty and go to wash your hands and..Holy shit! You look like you’ve been in a fight, your face is swelled up, your lips look like you’re a Angela Jolie impersonator.

What the fuck? You scatter out the door without telling your boss, and immediately call your Dr.. Oh yes swelling is a  side effect of this medication, stop by, there is another prescription to cure this, no problem he states. This isn’t a common side effect your experiencing, but we can cure it.

You pick-up the prescription, you have to get the swelling down by tomorrow night, you have a date with the girl at the gym you’ve been asking out for a year, what else can go wrong?

You take extra pills and stay home from work, the swelling subsides and your ready for your date. You arrive at her door pick her up without a hitch, head to the restaurant, get the table and order.  You have an overwhelming urge to urinate, you excuse yourself, then in two minutes you have to go again, then after two more minutes you have to go again, you see the frustration and disappointment in her eyes. Good thing you drove, you think.

Then the feeling passes, your ready, things are progressing nicely, your talking and she seems interested in your life. Then the strangest thing happens, she asks to go back to your place, but you can’t speak, you try but you can’t. Your mouth moves, but just a sputtering of spittle sprays across the table. Your date is ending, she asks to go home. You take her home, but on the way you are devastated with a spell of dizziness and confusion. You forget where she lives and your car begins to swerve.

She starts to yell. Your vision becomes blurred and the car begins to meander from one side of the road to another. Then the blue and red lights flash behind you, you know your in trouble, but why should you be, you had nothing to drink.

A gargantuan officer walks slowly toward your window, his left hand delicately itching at the gun at his side. He reaches your window, and asks if you had anything to drink, you answer. Thank God your voice is back, but it is slurred, he asks you to walk the line, still dizzy and confused he arrests you for DUI.

You call your Dr. All common side effects of the anti-inflammatory drug you were taking, although he can’t for the life of him understand why all of them occurred in the same night. He writes a prescription for the side-effects and gets you out of jail, the least he can do he says.

You get your prescription for vertigo and others, go home and hope for the best. You call your date and explain, she seems understanding amazingly and wants to see you again, but only if your well. Yes you respond. She invites you over for a home cooked meal, to meet her family.

You arrive, the swelling and vertigo, constipation and diarrhea gone, things are looking up. You arrive, with no ailments amazingly, dinner starts and is going without a hitch. Her mother begins to clear the table and like a gentleman, you offer to help. You gather up a load of plates and head to the kitchen behind her, something strange begins to happen. Drool begins spilling from your mouth just a she is bending over and loading the dishwasher. Your eyes begins to twitch and your tongue flicks about uncontrollably. Your arm flicks about in what could be interpreted as an obscene gesture, the mother screams and runs yelling pervert.

Your date and her father come tearing into the room, as you are drooling uncontrollably, your tongue continues to flutter back and forth and your arms are flailing obscenely.

Your thrown out on your ass.

You call your Dr. Yes all side effects of the prescription let me give you something for your issues, he says and that he is very sorry for all the trouble, very sorry indeed and that the prescription will be half-off. Wow you think what a guy! You take your prescription and in a couple of days after the drooling stops, you are ready for life again.

You head for the door ready for work, a rumbling in your stomach stops you dead in your tracks, you turn abruptly around and head back for the toilet.  After the surge of refuse leaves your body, you dart off to the medicine cabinet again, squeezing all the way walking as if you were balancing on a tight rope. You take the pills from the cabinet, then decide you’ve had enough.

You make two stops, then you head to the planned location, you call the Dr. on the phone once your ready and once you’ve got him on the phone you begin laughing, your euphoric. You can’t stop laughing.

After the Dr. figures out whom you are and what prescription he’d prescribed, he apologizes and states that euphoria is a common side-effect and he had something for it.

No you reply, I just blew up your fucking house!

Written by Greg